I Got Hit By A Car Today
No joke. I was literally hit by a car today. And I don’t mean a car hit my car. I mean a car hit ME. My person. Hombre a coche.
You’re dying for me to explain.
So I’m sitting for WAY too long in the Wendy’s drive through (Barrett and 120, for those who care). After I FINALLY get my food, I pull into a parking spot to scarf it down way faster than I should have. But when I pull out my sandwich, I realize they gave me the wrong order. No huge deal…just inconvenient.
So I hop out of my truck and start walking back into the restaurant. A car passes as I begin to cross the lane. As I start to walk, I see a little silver Honda Civic whipping down the lane past the drive-thru. There’s a 20-something girl driving. She’s not texting or talking on the phone. She’s not even trying to wolf down a burger. She has both hands on the wheel and is looking right at me.
She’s still far enough away to stop, so I exploit my inalienable right as a pedestrian to cross.
But she doesn’t stop.
She doesn’t even slow down!
I yell like a frightened toddler and jump up in the air. Honda Civics ride low to the ground, so I figure I have a good chance of avoiding broken tibias if I step onto the hood.
Next thing I know, I’m laying on this woman’s car hood… A single with cheese in my left hand, and car keys in my right. My keys scraped across her hood. But I’m not feeling so bad about that, to be honest.
I look her in the eye…probably with a look on my face that I’d be very embarrassed to see myself. She yells out the window, “Oh my God! I’m so sorry! Are you alright!?”
I step off of the car and back onto blessed asphalt. The only words I could get out were, “I’m fine.” At that point, I didn’t know for sure that I really was fine. But it’s all that came to mind. All I notice is that my left side is sore, and I am already trembling like a claustrophobic in a matchbox.
I walk inside the Wendy’s, wait my turn, and exchange my sandwich.
God only knows what the people who saw this thing happen were thinking while I was standing in line.
My wife has shed tears multiple times over this today… But not one tear has fallen out of sorrow or concern. I think she’s probably set a world record for laughing so hard.
Please pray for my safety. Apparently someone wants me dead.
Have a nice weekend.
Good thing you got that big life insurance policy… oh wait… maybe that’s why someone want you dead. ;-)
That’s really a pretty cool story. You can check “get hit by a car” off your list of things to get done before you die.
Awesome, dude.
Bro… just glad you’re OK!
Hilarious! Oh, I mean…sooo sorry to hear about your accident. No really, I join your wife in shedding tears! I’m still laughing. I guess I wouldn’t laugh if you really got hurt.
Stephen, I am busting a gut! I’m so sorry to laugh, but the way you described it, I felt like I was watching from the Wendy’s parking lot! I can’t believe you managed to hang on to that burger…must have been reallllllly hungry! You and your wife are so funny and absolutely perfect for each other.
ps – way to go on the steak dinner for Annette – nice!
Thanks to the commenters who actually expressed care and concern over my trauma. Especially to Steve Murphy who was the first to respond to my Twitter about the incident. It took my wife 30 minutes to actually respond and ask if this had actually happened. And when I told her it had, she began a laughing spree that has lasted nearly 72 hours thus far.
hmmm. that’ll teach you to pull away from the drive-thru window w/o checking your order, won’t it?
and to think you could’ve been encountering rattlesnakes, ravenous deer, & middle-of-the-night face-sniffing bears like we were.
Stephen, that was so funny….well not the getting hit part but everything else. It reminded me of a Dane Cook comedy sketch (I know his language is bad in alot of his comedy, but I’ve listened to him anyway) but if you’ve not heard the one he does about the guy getting hit by a car (a Dodge no less) that’s what it reminded me of.
I’m glad you’re okay and even though as wives we laugh, she does care, oh she thinks it’s funny!!! but she does care. :)
I think you got ketchup on my Honda!
Oh….I still laugh! Hee hee hee!