No joke. I was literally hit by a car today. And I don’t mean a car hit my car. I mean a car hit ME. My person. Hombre a coche.

You’re dying for me to explain.

So I’m sitting for WAY too long in the Wendy’s drive through (Barrett and 120, for those who care). After I FINALLY get my food, I pull into a parking spot to scarf it down way faster than I should have. But when I pull out my sandwich, I realize they gave me the wrong order. No huge deal…just inconvenient.

So I hop out of my truck and start walking back into the restaurant. A car passes as I begin to cross the lane. As I start to walk, I see a little silver Honda Civic whipping down the lane past the drive-thru. There’s a 20-something girl driving. She’s not texting or talking on the phone. She’s not even trying to wolf down a burger. She has both hands on the wheel and is looking right at me.

She’s still far enough away to stop, so I exploit my inalienable right as a pedestrian to cross.

But she doesn’t stop.

She doesn’t even slow down!

I yell like a frightened toddler and jump up in the air. Honda Civics ride low to the ground, so I figure I have a good chance of avoiding broken tibias if I step onto the hood.

Next thing I know, I’m laying on this woman’s car hood… A single with cheese in my left hand, and car keys in my right. My keys scraped across her hood. But I’m not feeling so bad about that, to be honest.

I look her in the eye…probably with a look on my face that I’d be very embarrassed to see myself. She yells out the window, “Oh my God! I’m so sorry! Are you alright!?”

I step off of the car and back onto blessed asphalt. The only words I could get out were, “I’m fine.” At that point, I didn’t know for sure that I really was fine. But it’s all that came to mind. All I notice is that my left side is sore, and I am already trembling like a claustrophobic in a matchbox.

I walk inside the Wendy’s, wait my turn, and exchange my sandwich.

God only knows what the people who saw this thing happen were thinking while I was standing in line.

My wife has shed tears multiple times over this today… But not one tear has fallen out of sorrow or concern. I think she’s probably set a world record for laughing so hard.

Please pray for my safety. Apparently someone wants me dead.

Have a nice weekend.